Energy Leaks or Absorption? Understanding Nervous System Resonance

Why You Feel Drained Around Others

Many people describe feeling like their “energy leaks” in certain environments — a crowded workplace, a tense home, or a conflict with someone close. But what if the truth is not that you’re leaking energy, but absorbing it? The nervous system does not just regulate your internal state; it is constantly resonating with the signals of the people and environments around you. For emotionally intelligent and sensitive individuals, this resonance can be so strong that it feels like depletion. But the reality is far more profound: what you feel is not weakness. It is your nervous system acting as an amplifier.

The Science of Resonance

Neuroscience has demonstrated that human beings are wired for resonance. In the early 1990s, researchers discovered mirror neurons in the premotor cortex of macaque monkeys (Rizzolatti et al., 1992). These neurons fired both when the monkey performed an action and when it observed another performing the same action. Later studies suggested humans share this mechanism, providing a neurological basis for empathy and social learning.

But resonance goes beyond actions. Research on emotional contagion (Hatfield, Cacioppo & Rapson, 1994) shows that emotions spread through unconscious mimicry of facial expressions, tone, and body language. The nervous system, in essence, “catches” the emotional states of those nearby.

Absorption vs. Leakage

When someone says, “I feel like I’m leaking energy,” what they often mean is, “I feel drained after being around others.” This is not leakage but absorption. Your nervous system has attuned itself to the signals of another — their anxiety, anger, or despair — and is now carrying it as if it were your own.

Highly sensitive individuals (Aron & Aron, 1997) are particularly susceptible to this absorption because their nervous systems process stimuli more deeply. This makes them powerful empathic connectors, but also vulnerable to overwhelm. The cost of resonance is that without awareness, you cannot tell where your emotional energy ends and another’s begins.

Survival Identity and Resonance

For those living in survival identity, resonance often becomes hypervigilance. If, as a child, you learned to scan environments for danger — a parent’s mood, the subtle shifts in tone, the atmosphere in a room — then your nervous system adapted to absorb signals as a survival mechanism. This was not weakness; it was brilliance. Your system learned that safety depended on detecting and absorbing the unspoken.

But in adulthood, the same adaptation can feel like constant depletion. The nervous system continues absorbing without discernment, leaving you carrying emotions that aren’t yours. The cost is exhaustion, burnout, and disconnection from your own authentic state.

Cognitive Identity: Learning to Direct Resonance

The shift comes when you learn to recognise resonance not as a flaw but as a faculty. In what I call Cognitive Identity, you begin to direct your nervous system consciously. Rather than unconsciously absorbing everything, you develop practices that anchor you:

• Breath regulation to re-centre when emotional contagion is strong.
  
  

• Boundaries that recognise which feelings are yours and which are absorbed.
  
  

• Attention training that allows you to notice signals without internalising them.

Research on polyvagal theory (Porges, 1994) supports this shift. By learning to regulate the vagus nerve — the primary pathway connecting brain and body — individuals can shift from hypervigilance to social engagement, from fear-driven resonance to conscious connection.

Resonance as Power, Not Burden

When unconscious, resonance feels like a burden — endless absorption, constant depletion. But when integrated, it becomes one of the greatest forms of intelligence. It allows you to read the room, anticipate conflict, notice the unspoken, and connect at depths others cannot reach. Resonance was never a weakness. It was survival’s brilliance. And when paired with awareness, it becomes freedom’s strength.

FAQ

Q: What does it mean to “leak energy”?
Often, it isn’t leakage but absorption. Your nervous system resonates with others’ emotional states and carries them as your own.

Q: What is nervous system resonance?
It’s the process by which our brains and bodies synchronise with the signals of others, supported by mirror neurons and emotional contagion research.

Q: Why do sensitive people feel more drained?
Their nervous systems process stimuli deeply, making them more susceptible to absorbing emotional states from their environment.

Q: How can I stop absorbing negative energy?
Through practices like breath regulation, boundary setting, mindfulness, and polyvagal-informed nervous system regulation.

Closing Reflection

What you call “leaks” are not failures of willpower — they are signs of resonance. Your nervous system is wired to connect, to mirror, to absorb. This capacity once kept you safe. Now, with awareness, it can become a source of wisdom and power. You are not fragile. You are finely tuned. The work is not to close yourself off, but to learn to direct your resonance so that it nourishes rather than depletes.